More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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