Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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