His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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