hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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