no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
