He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
