we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
