im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
