I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
