as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
