I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
