im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
