I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
