I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
