you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize