Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
