she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
