They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
