Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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