Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
