oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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