Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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