Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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