I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
