Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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