so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
