Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize