im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
