Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
