I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
