I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
