I like to think it a success when the cops are called
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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