i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wear drunk well.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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