I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
