Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
