Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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