'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
