Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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