Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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