Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
