So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
