weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
