i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
