Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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