My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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