the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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