i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
