Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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