Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
