No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
