I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
