Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
