i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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