when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
