You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
