Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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