My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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