$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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