I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Where is the hickey?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
