i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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