it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize