Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
