I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
