Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
