That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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