my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
