im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
