So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
please come you make the beer taste better
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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