Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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