apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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