Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
