I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
