yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
