The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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