do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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