My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
