Farmville is her only friend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
