His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
